​
Adulting – How to Overcome People Pleasing
​
Have you ever experienced frustration that stems from trying to meet the expectations of others? Maybe you've noticed that you act differently around certain people, or perhaps you find yourself feeling insecure when you don't receive enough likes or comments on your social media posts. These moments can feel petty, but they’re more common than you might think. You’re not alone.
​
In our journey through adulthood, we often encounter a struggle that remains from our childhood: the pressure to seek approval from others. As we grow, this peer pressure transforms into more complex feelings of insecurity, co-dependence, and an intense need for validation. But there’s a term in the Bible that captures this struggle perfectly—the fear of man.
​
What is the Fear of Man?
​
The fear of man is a deeply rooted emotional issue that affects our decisions, relationships, and spiritual well-being. While we often think of it in terms of peer pressure, it evolves as we get older. It’s not just about worrying what people think of us—it’s about craving approval and fearing rejection.
​
The Bible describes this fear in two primary ways:
​
-
Fear of what others think of us or will do to us.
-
Craving for approval and fearing rejection.
These feelings can be subtle, but they manifest in real ways in our lives. For example, we might struggle to say "no," freeze when we have to make a decision, or exaggerate to make ourselves feel better. We might even prematurely end conflicts by yielding, or feel jealousy when others receive praise. The fear of man creeps into these moments, subtly steering our thoughts and actions.
​
The Spiritual Nature of the Fear of Man
​
Though the fear of man can manifest in many ways, its roots are spiritual. At its core, it stems from misplaced worship. Humans were created to worship, and when we worship anything other than God—whether it’s the approval of others, fame, or success—we invite anxiety, insecurity, and fear into our lives.
​
As much as we try to control our lives externally—taking responsibility for our actions, resolving conflicts—our internal fears often remain. These fears are hidden in our motives, lurking in the shadows of our decisions. They affect our emotional and spiritual health, often without us even realizing it.
​
The Story of Peter and the Fear of Man
​
One of the clearest examples of the fear of man in Scripture involves Peter, one of Jesus' closest disciples. Peter had spent years learning from Jesus, yet in Galatians 2, we see him succumb to the fear of man. When some Jewish believers from Jerusalem arrived in Antioch, Peter, who had previously been eating with Gentiles, withdrew from them. He feared the criticism of these Jewish leaders who insisted on circumcision, and in doing so, he compromised the very message of grace that he had preached.
​
Paul confronted Peter about this hypocrisy, and through this story, we see a profound truth: the people you fear in life will steer your life. How many of us have made decisions or lived in ways to gain the approval of others? How often do we allow others' opinions to shape our actions, sometimes leading us into regret, resentment, or anxiety?
​
Breaking Free from the Fear of Man
​
Proverbs 29:25 offers a powerful insight into overcoming the fear of man:
“The fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.” (NIV)
​
The word "snare" refers to a trap or noose, a symbol of how the fear of man can entangle us. Whether it's the pressure to conform, the need for validation, or the fear of rejection, the fear of man holds us captive. But there is a way out: trust in the Lord.
​
Trusting in God means relying on His grace, knowing that He is bigger than any fear or person. It means acknowledging that God’s approval is what truly matters, not the fleeting opinions of others.
​
Finding True Security in God's Grace
​
When we place our trust in God, we find safety and security in His love. This trust isn't passive; it’s an active choice to rely on God’s grace, which offers us true peace. The Psalms remind us that God is trustworthy:
“Those who know Your name will put their trust in You, for You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.” (Psalm 9:10, NASB)
​
The fear of man may be deeply rooted, but the grace of God is deeper still. When we embrace His grace, we begin to break free from the need for others' approval. This doesn’t happen overnight, but through continued reliance on God, we can shift our focus from the opinions of others to the love of God.
​
Is God Bigger Than Your Fear?
​
Here’s a simple yet powerful question to ask yourself in those moments of fear or insecurity: Is God bigger?
When you're faced with the pressure to conform, whether at work, in relationships, or socially, ask yourself if the God who gave you life is bigger than the people around you. Is His opinion more important than the opinions of others?
​
This question helps us reorient our hearts and minds. By trusting in God's grace, we can overcome the fear of man and experience the abundant life that Jesus died to give us.
​
Conclusion
​
Overcoming the fear of man is a continual journey. It takes discipline, vigilance, and the grace of God. But when we learn to trust in Him and make Him bigger than the people around us, we experience the freedom that comes with knowing our worth is secure in Christ.
​
As we close, let’s reflect on Psalm 103, which reminds us of God’s greatness and His mercy toward us. When we understand the magnitude of God's grace, we can confidently walk away from the fear of man and embrace the life He has called us to.