All In The Family
- 3 days ago
- 5 min read
Faith at Home: Living Out Colossians 3:17 in the Family
Colossians 3:17 gives us one of the broadest commands in the entire chapter:
“And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus…”
That sounds simple until we stop and think about what it actually means.
Whatever we say.
Whatever we do.
Every relationship.
Every response.
Every role.
Everything is meant to reflect Jesus.
That can feel overwhelming.
So under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, Paul begins breaking that big principle into smaller, everyday applications.
And where does he begin?
At home.
That makes sense because home is often the hardest place to practice what we say we believe.
Our families know the real version of us.
They see how we respond when we are tired, frustrated, disappointed, or under pressure.
They know whether the peace of Christ is truly ruling in our hearts—or whether we are simply good at appearing spiritual in public.
In Colossians 3:18–21, Paul speaks directly to wives, husbands, children, and fathers. Each role comes with a responsibility, and each responsibility reveals something about our relationship with Christ.
As a Wife: Submit to Your Husband
Paul writes:
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” (Colossians 3:18)
The word submission has been misunderstood, misused, and sometimes weaponized.
Biblical submission does not mean that all women must submit to all men.
It does not excuse abuse.
It does not require participation in something sinful, illegal, or immoral.
The instruction is given specifically within marriage, and it is framed by the words:
“As is fitting in the Lord.”
That phrase matters.
Biblical submission is not blind compliance.
It is a voluntary choice rooted in humility, love, and respect.
Jesus Himself submitted to the will of the Father. Believers are also commanded to submit to one another.
Submission is not about lesser value.
It is about order, trust, and honoring the role God has established within the family.
The struggle often comes down to control.
Since the fall in Genesis, human beings have resisted surrender. We naturally want our way, our timing, and our preferred outcome.
But submission says:
I will honor the Lord in the way I relate to my husband, even when releasing control is difficult.
As a Husband: Love Your Wife
Paul then turns to husbands:
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.” (Colossians 3:19)
A husband’s responsibility is not simply to lead.
It is to love.
And biblical love is not shallow, sentimental, or dependent on how the other person behaves.
It is sacrificial.
Serving.
Continuous.
Unconditional.
A husband is called to love his wife in the same kind of way Christ loves the church.
That means marriage is not merely a contract based on mutual performance.
It is a covenant based on commitment.
Paul also gives husbands a warning:
Do not become bitter.
Bitterness grows when resentment is allowed to remain.
It develops when blame replaces responsibility.
From the beginning, Adam’s response to sin was to point at Eve.
Human nature hasn’t changed much.
When life becomes difficult, it is easy to blame the person closest to us.
But bitterness never remains hidden.
It changes tone.
It changes affection.
It changes how a husband speaks, responds, and leads.
That is why every husband must continually filter his attitudes through Colossians 3:17.
Does my love reflect Jesus?
Do my words reflect Jesus?
Am I protecting the covenant, or quietly feeding resentment?
As a Child: Obey Your Parents
Paul continues:
“Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.” (Colossians 3:20)
Again, this does not include anything abusive, illegal, or immoral.
But within the normal structure of the home, children are called to obey.
Obedience is not based on whether the child agrees.
It is not dependent on whether the instruction feels fair.
It is not something to do eventually after repeated reminders.
A helpful definition of obedience is:
The right action, at the right time, with the right attitude.
Parents are responsible for teaching this because obedience at home prepares children for life.
It teaches respect for authority.
It develops self-control.
It helps children understand that choices carry consequences.
Most importantly, it helps prepare them to obey God.
The struggle with obedience comes from our rebellious nature.
From the Garden of Eden forward, people have resisted being told what to do.
We assume we know better.
We want another way.
But a child cannot consistently disrespect a parent while claiming to do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus.
Obedience is an act of worship.
As a Father: Understand Your Influence
Paul then addresses fathers:
“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21)
A father’s influence is powerful.
What he says matters.
What he does matters.
What he fails to say or do matters.
The way he corrects, encourages, disciplines, and responds leaves a lasting impression.
For many children, their earthly father becomes their first picture of what God is like.
When a father is loving, present, and trustworthy, it can be easier for a child to understand the love and security of a Heavenly Father.
When a father is harsh, distant, unpredictable, or absent, a child may struggle to view God as approachable or safe.
That does not mean every father must be perfect.
The standard is not perfection.
It is awareness.
A godly father understands the weight of his influence.
He is willing to admit when he is wrong.
He asks forgiveness.
He models both how to do what is right and how to respond when he falls short.
Fatherhood does not come with time-outs.
Influence is constantly producing a result.
Every word either helps build up or contributes to discouragement.
That is both a tremendous privilege and a serious responsibility.
The Same Standard for Every Role
Not everyone will find themselves in every verse.
Some are married.
Some are single.
Some have children at home.
Some have adult children.
Some may never fill one of these specific roles.
But the principles still apply.
What does submission look like in my life?
What does love look like?
What does obedience look like?
What does my influence look like?
The standard for every answer is the same:
“Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus.”
At home, at church, at work, and in every relationship, Jesus is the standard.
The Christian life is not proven by what happens for one hour on Sunday.
It is revealed in the everyday moments when no one is watching except the people who know us best.
So the question is not simply, What role do I have?
The deeper question is:
Am I carrying out that role in a way that reflects Christ?
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